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Our Hearts are Shattered


They say a dog is a man's best friend. He was that and more.

Farm life can be the most roller coaster of a ride you will ever take. It is full of highs and lows, ups and downs, all in the same day, sometimes. The past two weeks have been rough. It has been a roller coaster and there is no sugar coating that. We are behind on planting, we had over 100 acres of hay down. We have had a tractor down for 3 weeks which leaves one tractor to use for all the heavy work. I also had surgery last week and home life is a little behind because of that. Work has been busy and all the things happening. Like I said, a complete roller coaster ride and when it's going, we hold on and just keep our faith planted. It's hard, but we know at the end of the day, we are so blessed and there are so many others that have it worse. Whatever the it may be.

This past week was hard. One of the hardest. It's currently 2am and I am up writing this blog because I can't sleep, and the work day will come early. Ironic that just last week I wrote about my fears of blogging, yet here I am typing another one out because my heart is so heavy.

We lost Crash this past week. He crossed that rainbow bridge. I can't imagine heaven being any prettier, but it sure got that way this week. Heaven has a lot of our past animals, but this one was different. There will never be another Crash and we are devastated, heart-broken and just lost without him. All of us. Bella, Russ and Me. Completely lost.

We got to love him for 8 years. 3 months prior to bringing him home, I had just gotten our Bella. She was a rescue dog that I have said since day one, she rescued my heart. We had lost two dogs a few months prior to getting her, our beloved dog, Flash and the best cattle dog that was ever created for Russ, Gus. I didn't know if I could get another dog so soon, but we did and she was perfect for me. We started the search for Russ another farm dog. Long and super sad story short with another happy ending, we landed Crash. He was from a big litter and he was the chosen one. Russ said he was the one. So we waited until he was 10 weeks before bringing him home. Once home, Russ named him Clyde. A few weeks went by, and it just wasn't the right name. For some reason, Russ came up with Crash. I thought it was the dumbest name, but turns out it was the most perfect name for such a perfect boy.

They began their bond and as he was growing, we sent both Crash and Bella to training. Crash was going to be Russ' dog and farm hand. As the days went on, Crash seemed to lose interest in the farm life, and I was accused of trying to spoil him and take him from Russ. I denied it.

But in hindsight, the truth is, those blue eyes and his majestic big head stole my heart from early on. He was getting a little spoiled alongside Bella. I just couldn't help the love I had for these dogs. It was like no other.

Crash was appropriately named. No matter where he went, he was like a bull in a china shop. It did not matter what was in front of him, he was going THROUGH it.

He was a HUGE full bred Australian Shephard, weighing a good 70+ lbs. He had the biggest head, and the most hair on a dog, I have EVER seen. He was beautiful. He could look at you with those blue eyes in the funniest way. He made us laugh, endlessly. The Crash stories will continue for years and our hearts will never be the same. I told Russ I am not sure I could ever love another dog as much love as I have had for Bella and Crash. They are two of a kind.

Crash loved the water. Loved it. He swam in our pond, daily. We had to keep him out of it in the midst of winter, because even then, he would try to take a swim. If I was watering flowers, Sonny or whatever it was that water was involved, he was there to drink it up. And straight from the hose, was his favorite. He would try to drink all of it. He loved water.

And toys. He loved his toys. His ball and his squeaky toys were his favorites. He was the most playful dog we have ever had. He was the most fun. Every day. It was our daily routine. As soon as I was home, it was play time. We would wait for Russ to get home. Sitting on the porch, every day waiting on our Farmer. They played. Russ and Crash, played every single day. We all played. All we had to say was "go get your---- (Ball or toy was the key words)." If we said ball....Crash would take off running into the garage. His ball was on a shelf. Same spot, every day. He would go get it. He and Russ would play and play. Every day. When they were done, we would say, "put it up." Crash would take his ball, still in his mouth, go straight to the the garage and put it back on the shelf where it belonged. If we told him to get his toy, he would go around the side of the porch where Miss Kitty's house was. She had a tall house that had a hammock in the top. Since she doesn't use it, we stored Crash and Bella's outside toys there. Crash would go around the porch, get his stuffed and squeaky toys and again, when he and Russ (or me) were all done, we would tell him to put it up, and there he went. He always put everything back up. I've never seen anything like it. He was such a good boy.

On our farm, we have a pet cemetery, unfortunately. As Russ loaded the shovel and we headed out to dig his grave, we drove to the spot. I sat there crying and said this isn't it. Russ said where do you want him to be. Beside here with us, the only other spot worthy of his final resting place---the pond. I told Russ, we have to bury him by his pond. We both cried and agreed it was perfect. So we found a perfect spot by our pond and that is his final resting place. He was buried with all his toys and so much love.

Our hearts are shattered as we end the week. A no good, very bad week. I have cried for days and I know days to come. Coming home is hard. I look at his house and I look for him to be waiting on me. His whiny, pitiful cry and his spoiled rotten look standing at the door waiting to come inside. I look for him. We both look for him. Bella looks for him. Until we see him again, we will look for him.

Watch over us Crash. We miss you buddy. You were loved more than words.

Completely heart broken



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